I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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