I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
