I wannas sexs uuuuu
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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