I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
