even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
