Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
