OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
