i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
