I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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