I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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