Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
