8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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