Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
