We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
