there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
