"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
