And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
