I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
