I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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