Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
