You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
