I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
