Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
