Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
your like the ambassador to my penis.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
