I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
