I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
A+ Viking dick
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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