I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Enjoy the penises
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
