Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
