So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
