i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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