Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
