i think my tv is drunk
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
