We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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