I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
