I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
