i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
