Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
