So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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