Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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