i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
