youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Randomize
