The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
