I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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