...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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