Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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