She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
