Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
