I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
