in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
