Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
