i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
